Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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