I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
