can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this will be a night to untag.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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