If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
