He uses pillows to masturbate.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
