my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
