Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
