Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
