Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
