Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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