you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
