Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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