paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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