I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
