we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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