Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
