I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
