no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
