He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
