I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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