what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
