my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I will be naked everywhere
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
