Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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