woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
