Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
