party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
