The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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