dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
