I just made out with a guy for $7.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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