Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
