What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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