She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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