i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
