did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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