I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
