no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
