If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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