She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
