A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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