yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
