My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
