Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
