if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
