so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
