I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
