Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry about my life...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
