we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
