I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
