Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
