if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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