Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
