im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
