My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
