I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
