Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
