She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
