well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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