Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
